[WARNING: possibley the most angriest sorrow drenched emo post to grace this blog, so if you don't like it, close the internet window or hit the back button, because this is what's happening, and THIS is what's
crushed Frostie's spirit until it comes back.]]


It's a mixed feeling of rage, agony, sorrow and stupidity i'm guessing,
So I logged on today forgoing my hiatus, thinking:
"Okay i'm stronger then this, No one can cramp my happy today"
well usually nothing can cramp my hapiness ever,
cause Jordie taught me how to be uber happy and hit people alot =D

though this time it caught me off guard and pinched that flabby thing under my arm until it really hurt,
if that makes any kind of sense. ._.

I wont leave the FFRP comunnity group, though lingering on thoughts of making Ekiri disapear,
since she's leaning further and further away into darkness like I am. D:
Yuge and Tamio are getting engadged, Ekiri is truely happy for them, but she's ruined just about everything-
else for herself, and now she's only staying with AVALANCHE for the usual chat with Kashido, or mending a AVALANCHE members wounds, there's only two people she stays alive for now, Souma and Kai.
and I've said this before, it's so stupid to cry over something so trivial.
so I don't know why I'm crying, but i'm moveing on now, if it means leaveing AVALANCHE, The Catalyst of Nephilim so be it.
I'm not right for those groups, I tried to be, I tried to be a Fighter, a Caster, a Gunner, nothing worked out,
I always kept getting pushed down because I failed at doing something or I was too slow.
It was never good enough for them, NOTHING I did was ever good enough,

And then my characters just simply got to be known as the crazy ones who always got injured,
I wanted them to be something more then that, something relivant and important,
when you make a character it's like giveing birth to a child, minus agonizeing hours of labor.
you put your soul into it, to make it good enough to stand on it's own,
and when it becomes corrupted like a punk ass kid you hate with all your guts.
you just shake your head and wonder what the hell you did wrong,

I clung to those groups like life support because I thought it meant I was actually getting somewhere,
when really I was just a extra. expendable. that's it. if I leave I can be replaced, I know people will argue against that with me to the death but that is reality, everyone will move on with their lives, and that's what i'd want them to do.


Six days is alot of time to think about if you should end a character who makes you unhappy,
and to figure out what the groups really mean to you: are they a chore, or are they fun?
maybe i'll end up quitting most of them and just going on as Esune....
Yuge was right when he said: "Did Ekiri actually do anything in QUAKE?"
No, she didn't. she just helped you beat up a giant fucking enemy crab named Zoton, she's been on NEARLY ALL of the early QUAKE missions to ShinRa tower she devoted her heart to his character just to have it torn to shreds upon her return, and be nearly killed by her little Sister. Ekiri is close and dear to my heart, though if one lung turns black you have to cut it out like a tumor and replace it with something else. I know this sounds weird:
but Ekiri is sad and depressed and it's wearing on me, as much as the stress from P.S.Y.C.H.O, Bash Arkin, and everything else has worn me to the bone.

going back to the beginning may be hard...but I might be able to do it, if i'm strong enough.
Six days starting now, unlike before, this time I wont break it off, I wont let things linger any longer.

if Ekiri was really meant to stay alive, or remain with QUAKE, in those Six days i'll get a sign,
or something like that, people can move on, if Ekiri dies, (( Yesh Jordie I know what effect it will have on Souma! that's why I art thinking it ovar! and not just rushing like last time :O ))

But for RP conversation sake this is what's going down with Ekiri and Esune right now,

Esune kidnapped Ekiri while early in the morning Ekiri was heading to work, and took her to Solomly private location, the kind where no one could hear you scream, Torture was the only thing ringing Esune's mind, she would show her sister, and her foes that she was not to be messed with, that she had no ties left to hold her to emotions-
that she did not desire or need. Here's some light fictional reading material before I end this,

Ekiri woke up, her face damp from what appeared to be a cellar floor, it was cold and dark, only a dim light source down a tunnel, she pulled herself up to feel that her mechanical eye was missing, she tried to remember the moments before she blacked out, she was walking to work...she saw Daniel, the other bartender leaveing for sleep, since he took most of her shifts when she was ill, or doing medical work for AVALANCHE, her hands were cuffed, they hung like sore lumps of flesh at her hips, swinging with every staggering step, her head pounded as she tried to reach the light, when she saw it, her golden eye widened the pain was so overwhelming as a sharp blast of cold air whipped through her eye socket,
on a throne next to a candle, her sister sat. pure orange hair, pitch black clothing, below the tangled mess of hair was a grin, a malicious grin, as the girl stood Ekiri saw a giant rat sitting on her Sister's shoulder;

"No...."

was all Ekiri could whisper, her Sister finally had her, there was no one to save her...no one to lean on...no one knew where she was because she never told anyone...she kept herself so icolated....that it would be...the end of her,
her sister held two things in her hands, a gun, and a collar. "...I will kill you. or you live, paying off your sins in torture."
Esune said bittersweetly, Ekiri fell to the floor looking at the two objects, tears of saltwater and blood running down her face she shrunk down dropping her head on her arms sobbing, she forsaken everything she ever loved, she ever tried to love. everyone who got so close...ended up pushed away, her body stung with sharp pain with the overflowing blood from her eye-socket and tears, her Sister put the two objects away walking over to Ekiri kneeling down and wrapping her arms around her seventeen year old sibbling "Don't worry...." she said in her usual sickeningly sweet voice moveing a hand to the side of Ekiri's head stareing into her eye "You have all the time in the world..." then Esune pulled back entirely standing up "

No one is going to save you, Not Yuge, Not Crimson K, or gun-happy puppy. or Kai."

BOOM

Esune's leg made contact with Ekiri's skull, white hair whipped around everywhere and once again she hit the floor everything going dark,
"If I could...have just...done this life...over...."
Ekiri whimpered as Esune stared over her in a childish malevolent way,
and soon the white haired 17 year old slipped into an uneasy state of unconciousness.
"Soon. Ill see just what your made of...literally..."

And that about wraps up this post.
Commentors Ekiri's life is in your hands, so...uhh....yeah, Leave a tag message or a explosion,
or a offline IM whatever, Seeya in six days.