I'm done feeling like a douche for now until Midgar RPing starts up again XD
Also;
"This message was not sent because offline instant messaging is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later."
MSN's offline messageing can suck it. D8

I've finished makeing Ed Yoshiro's wanted poster,
(Forgot to save it in a hostable format though! >_<)
Need to make a video of me playing Gaia to fufill Edward (Bardness!)'s request that I play gaia moar. XD

but for now now i'm combing through a notepad of stuff I wrote down for Ekiri,
major problem I think I had when I started Re-RPing her at Midgar was I couldn't really pinpoint why she came back or what the hell I was doing, more or less;
"Go with the flow and then fall on your face" XD
looking back I think my stressful personality overtook Ekiri's, and it slowly became angry PMSing over corpses. hopefully now that the water clogging my thinking has been drained out of my ear, Ekiri will be more Ekiri and less Dur-Stress-Frostie. XD


for now just going to peice together Ekiri's past, before she got to Midgar and I think i've got some solid stuff, hopeing to colab a bit with any others who seem interested with this when they aren't busy ^-^;
I've still gotta talk to Kiba about how Ekiri and Kai met @_@;
so far all i've got written down is some sort of honor of
"I kick your ass with a sword your life is mine." except more descriptive.

also I think I may have found a difinitive themesong for Ekiri :o
complete with an analogy. not sure if the translation is correct but I like the theme of the music, the lyrics. and even the video itself.
it may be a bit emo and poppy though I just think it sorta fits Ekiri now.
if all else fails Ekiri could just pop a happy pill XD

----------------
-Zero - By Alan Kuo-


I never believed my world could be so perfect.
pain, lonesome. and a little tiresome.
refuseing others to freely enter my zero degree space.

- "I never believed my world could be so perfect"
the part of Ekiri in the bar with Souma, Kai, Yuge, Kashido. everyone else.

Pain fighting for their survival as QUAKE and hurting to find out when someone was caught, or excecuted, or turned traitor, or a failed mission.
being forced to kill your own comrades for "The sake of the rebellion"
didn't dig too well with Ekiri...
especially when she told Kai to leave the rebellion,
for fear of loseing him to it's pain.

lonesome- Ekiri missing Zack and Gale's presense in the bar.

"Refuseing others to freely enter my zero degree space"-
during AVALANCHE up until she left Ekiri would hide and refuse help from others when she was hurting the most, helping others. though often wandered off into the forest in her own little world mindset. -


I'd Rather be lonely.
than to be missing someone.

- how Ekiri felt being within AVALANCHE, when she felt like she was loseing her comrades, Yuge and Tamio were busy with marriage ideas back then and being the ideal rebellion lovers; Ekiri felt like she was falling behind, not good enough to help anyone. when she released Kai from the AVALANCHE prison, it became aparrent he was her support beam. and yet she let him go again. in AVALANCHE she missed Kai, but in AVALANCHE she was entirely alone and in her heart missing those who died in the conflict. there were those who she called her friends...but she never spoke to them, even when she was going out of her mind from being this bird in a cage. she never told anyone. -


when two people are together
do they get some sort of comfort.
breaking free from the past
and then forgetting everything.

- Ekiri standing with Yuge at the cliff's edge. she wanted to throw herself off
and break free from the past. but with his gaze on her she couldn't.
as the coms rung Ekiri threw hers into the waters below, and told Yuge to make the decision he wanted. believeing in her heart, it may be the wrong thing to do to let him be with her. even if he wants to break free of his own past. the only true comfort he could ever get, would be in the arms of No-Name. -


I never thought that someday
my ending would suddenly be totally changed.

-
Ekiri had a happy ending..trying to make Yuge happy.
though in his condition even with visits from old rebellion members,
it seemed he was only sadder with her company; when Ekiri heard of Souma's death(?)
ekiri couldn't cope. and so she changed her ending....to continue in a vain search to lands far away
asking Kashido to care for Yuge, until she could return.
-

who will grab on
to my weak arms

-Now. even when Ekiri is once again at Kai's aid.
when she worries about him she is shot down and told not to worry.
so she burries herself in her work, wondering if what choice she made
was a mistake. wondering if one day she'll burry herself to sufocation beyond
being saved.
-

how could I be crying
who's wrong, who's right, who am I feeling sorry for.

-Every Monday and Friday NPCly-ish
Ekiri goes to the church and lays flowers. on Monday she puts down
Corel white flowers, in memory of early mornings when Souma would come in early and get some caffine going, even though Ekiri would be weary from working all night. Souma was the bright shine of the morning in the dank of the slums.
the flowers also represent some of those who were close to Ekiri, but passed away due to the conflict, Like Zephyr, the man who Ekiri kept calling her grandpa.

though when she lays the flowers Ekiri is for the most part emotionally unstable,
tending to cry when nobody is around. and once even shouted at the hole in the celing "What the hell did I do wrong!?.....
none of them.... deserved to die....I should have protected them!"
she usually has poor judgement trying to figure out, if she feels sorry for not being there for them, or is just feeling sorry for herself out of mocking pity.
-

I won't cry again
who's wrong, who's right, who am I weary for.

-
Right now Ekiri has solom reserve never to cry anywhere besides the church.
out of honor, to find her deceased friends, and make sure that they had proper burials, but she's still unsure if this path has enough drive to keep her going.
and is constantly figureing out what shadow is haunting her and makeing her weary.
-

walking into the zero degree space
waiting for everything to fall apart
even if love is dangerous, we can face it together

-
Ekiri being pretty much empty headed.
in other words walking mindless through a mine field.
finding that loveing anyone, even an aquaintance has turned out to burn her time and time again. but like a terrible heroine she believes that love doesn't have to just be with one person, one place or one time. like a cure to a disease it will spread and help the heart. as long as she believes in the people who fight for what their hearts believe in.
-

too late to defend myself from unheard of vows
how do you want me to learn how to adapt to tomorrow which has love added to it?

-
Ekiri believes there isn't any love left in her heart to give to another,
therefore she can't protect herself with heartfelt apologies since they mean nothing.
still renembering Yuge's ties to Tamio. if Tamio was to know of this Ekiri wouldn't fight back, she would let the woman kill her if she wanted, or at the very least,
If Yuge found Ekiri she'd let him shoot her for leaveing him to fufill a vain quest to find someone who may already be dead, she couldn't see herself falling in love again, or getting married anytime soon. it's a nice idea. like touching a scalding rice cooker with your bare hands. though she can't adapt, and that is why she continues to fail to meet the morrow with anything other then a empty smile.
-


I walk out of my zero degree space
and everything finally falls apart
even if it's tireing to be in love
I wont regret it.

-Meaning if Ekiri is forced back into the cage of love, she wont regret it.
reguardless of how much it's her gut instinct to be alone, no matter how tiresome it is she will walk in her dazed and happy zero degree space even as everything around her may fall apart and her friends may die, yet she wont accept it. or regret it.
makeing it all the more confuseing to take a look into her brain.
-

I put down all my defense
and don't care about anything
I run away from the dark world.
and start a new tomorrow

-
Every time Ekiri is in midgar she has halucinations, of what was. what could have been, what may have happend. she no longer has the will to fight or defend, and she doesn't care about the factions, love. or hate anymore. every day her mind going back to the day when she ran away from AVALANCHE or rather her dark world...
and stood at the cliff side with Yuge. looking out to a rosy tomorrow.
-
--------------------

Either that made no sense at all or it makes some sense. just how I fit the lyrics into the puzzle peices and then jump around on the puzzle messing it up again. possibley like Near (Of Death note) working on his puzzle and dumping it out constantly XD

anyways backing off the Midgar stuffs for now,
My cat wont stop eating his arms and it's driveing me nuts! D8
well...eating more or less as biteing his arms and lower belly.
he's basically licking all the fur off of himself as if he wanted to be born hairless. it's not that warm in here. it's becomeing fall and it's fricking freezeing around here lately. this is the same cat (Boots) who had the absess in his mouth. the vet said we should monitor his food and that's why i've been wakeing up at five in the morning for the last month or so. but now he's always sitting at the foodbowl depressed and eating his arms, and when we try to stop him from biteing or opening the sores on his arms or licking his underfur off he looks at me and the rest of the family like we're crazy escaped lunatics. Dx

so another trip to the vet sometime soon for boots!
which is putting me into a bit of a funk but i'll be out of it with a little more Spore and Mercs 2 in my diet. though takeing a break now and then to stop my cat from doing more damage to himself. @.@;

Oh, also a chair for my brother arrived today, an expensive $500 gamer chair that he got for free from the review company he works for. XD



Aparrently he was supposed to get the 360 version but they gave him a PS3 controller with it instead. at least with that we're somewhat prepared for the holiday season of maybes. XD

since when it comes to the PS3 me and my brother are all ups on waiting out for it,
there's only a few games I'd personally want to play, MAYBE heavenly sword; definately MGS4. holding out hopes for little-big planet. and if I luck out then i'll be the owner of the PS3, though not a grand acheivement it would be something.
My brother is the Xbox/Xbox 360 guy of the house and i'm the playstation holder and novelty goods (Wii), though we're not diehard fans of any console and frequently borrow each others. though that'll get a little tougher when he moves out. XD

back on the subject of the chair. like how disturbingly the end of the youtube video puts it.

"It puts your butt in the game"

course the one in our household isn't even finished being put together some parts of it are being a problem and need to be bent and keel-hauled at a wall. I put my brother's cat on it and tilted it around and she seemed safe on it. I may try it out one day to finish Grand Theft Auto 4.


changeing subject to Infinite undiscovery-
I faintly renember being bugged about this by Yuge, I doubt i'm going to play it. but the character design of Leonid LOOKS FRIGGIN BADASS D8
well I haven't seen any character art yet but I really want to. it's tough to see, but the armor/chains over his eye/face. I do want to steal it and use it as a new materia eye for Ekiri! :O

if only SL would let me. Dx

alrighty back to messing with blog code and trying to get my old FF7 save to work so I can lazily assess Materia value with my own eyes. XD